WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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