I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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