new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The air taste purple.
Randomize
