don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
