This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
