She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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