Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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