she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
