Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
