Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
