She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
