The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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