We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
