Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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