I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
