that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
