There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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