Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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