pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
