I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
