: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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