Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
