You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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