I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
