it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
