you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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