Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
