the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
