why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
