Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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