I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
