i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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