I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I supernannyed him into submission
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize