Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
