remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You are the jesus of drinking
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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