I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
