hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
