my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
