I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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