This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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