Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
