Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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