If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
