we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
