meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
