she kept yelling 'call me bella'
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
