Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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