Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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