someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
