how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
