drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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