I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
