Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
