I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
