clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
