dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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