so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
