home. puking in laundry basket.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
As shirtless as possible
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
