why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
