Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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