The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
