Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
