I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize