I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
