It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
