we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
