I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
