Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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