have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
