So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
