my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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