Apparently you make a good broom.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
