it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
