Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
