My first STD was from a foam party
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
