Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
