this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
